100 word challenge


             Great I’m trapped! You’re wondering why I am here, right? I’ll tell you. My name is Cara Jenson and I’m an archeologist. I was searching for a secret civilization that is hidden within the jungle. I came upon a large temple. I ran inside, adrenaline rushing through me, but just as I entered the temple the ground started shaking and there sitting the in front of the lost tablets is an orange crocodile, grinning a wide grin. I stand there frozen when suddenly the old roof collapsed falling straight on the crocodile smashing into pieces, knocking out the crocodile. The roof collapses around me.

Comments

  1. Annabeth30 November 2016 at 18:02

    Good story but, you have a lot of contractions and your not supposed to like for example. I'm or You're. You need to change those and when you wrote, there sitting the in front of the lost tablets, you don't need 'the'. So the sentence should read, there sitting in front of the lost tablets.
    And when you stand there frozen, I think you should change 'stand' to 'stood' since you're telling a story that has already happened. Last mistake I found was near the end of your sentence you wrote, falling straight on the crocodile smashing into pieces, I think you should alter it a bit so it reads, falling straight on to the crocodile smashing it to pieces.
    But that's just my opinion!

    ReplyDelete
  2. HarryPotter7 December 2016 at 09:38

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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