the first shot
The
first shot
Police
and reporters stand around me and call me inspirational; I sure don’t feel like
it since I just shot a man.
“Jenna, make sure you lock the door and don’t forget the gun.” My
governess Katie says. Always guns, well that’s what happens when you’re the
daughter of millionaires. I lock the doors and lie down pulling the blanket
over my head. Then the lock clicked and in climbs a man wearing a mask. He
starts driving and I lunge for the gun. I shoot hoping my aim is straight. It
is. I slam the brakes. The realization washes over me, I’m a killer.
1.for the sentence, "He starts driving and i lunge for the gun." is he driving a car? You should change it to, "He starts sprinting towards me, i lunged for the gun."
ReplyDelete2.You should change this sentence, "always guns, well that's what happens when you're the daughter of millionaires,'' to, ''Always guns, well that's what happens when you're a daughter of a millionaire."
But its all just a suggestion.
number 2 was my original sentence but then i had to cut down on words
ReplyDeleteawesome story I think you should put that cama
ReplyDelete(.....and lie down, pulling the blanket......)