Ohbot Peaky
Jeevan
Greetings humans of earth
my name is Ohbot Peaky and I have been sent to space to deliver this message. Think
about how much time you spend on your smartphone, TV, or tablet. Compare that
to the time you spend outside. Scientists said in a recent study that an
average child spends 7 hours on and 8 hours off an electronic device. This
includes eating, doing homework and using the washroom (as most of us are awake
for 15 hours out of 24). Yet most of us still ignore these numbers as fakes! I have
only sent this message. Now it is up to you to act on it!
Overall you have a great story but, you don't need the 'that in this sentence, that an average child spends 7 hours on and 8 hours off an electronic device, so just take out the that and in all it should read, Scientists say that in a recent study an average child spends 7 hours on and 8 hours off an electronic device.
ReplyDeleteAlso at the end of that sentence you should put a period instead of a comma.
thx for the feed back i am changing it right now! :)
ReplyDeleteI think you should add ONLY 7 to 8 hours to emphasize your point.
ReplyDelete